My dad used to work with a man called William Fittall (you can find him on Wikipedia) whose nickname on the Metallica Skull Snake New York Rangers Shirt On the whole quiet – you don’t give a senior civil servant a comedy nickname and let them know about it – was Onesize. Absolute tool, apparently. “Running Man” because he used to walk so fast he was nearly running (he’s slowed down a bit now he’s 90 but the name remains. “Log Man”/”Wheelbarrow Man” because he goes round town in the early hours stealing any wood he can find and piling it metres high in his garden. Occasionally he burns it in his woodburner but sometimes it’s wood that shouldn’t be burned and chokes the whole town out with smoke. A girl at a party I didn’t know had some drink splashed in her eye and she was making a big deal out of it (apparently it was stinging for a minute or so). Someone mentioned the incident and called her “that girl with the eye”, which I one-upped by calling her Sauron.
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